The Dating App Chronicles

Updated: May 26, 2019

Ahhh... the age of technology. How great is it that you can just sit in the comfort of your home and chat up hundreds of singles in your area in the hopes of finding “ the one” . The best part is you can do this without doing your hair and make up while wearing sweatpants. So easy and convenient. Sounds just fabulous right? Actually I’m going to take you through several dating apps and share some personal experiences with you . By the time I’m done I really hope that you realize that the majority of trolls on these dating apps are going to do nothing but waste your time. The scams that unfortunately, many women fall for are prevalent on dating apps. I’m hoping this blog post will encourage women to get off their asses, put some make up on, go out and find a real human, rather than a fake, that presents themselves very differently than the reality of who and what they really are. I speak from experience and I have spoken to many men and women who have encountered the very same issues, when trying to find love on the internet. Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places !

Now there's a match I can get behind!

It started on AOL. Oops am I showing my age? Ok, I’m 52, and just to give you an idea of how long I am doing this, I used to chat in an AOL group called “Jewish Singles 25-35”. You would start talking to people in a group which would lead to the “instant message”. If I had to compare it to something current for my younger readers , it would be the equivalent of a Facebook singles group. I met dozens of men back in the day when I lived in NY. A few interesting characters, none of them serious. Most were looking for fun. I figured it was because it was just a chatroom and not geared towards serious dating so I decided to try out a few actual dating websites .

The first two I tried were Jdate , a Jewish dating website and Match.com. I actually had a PAID membership to Jdate for several years . No one can ever say I did not give it the college try. I probably should have written down some of the stories . I would easily have a book . I'll share a few that stick in my mind just for laughs .

Some dude from Connecticut sends me a message . He comes into NYC regularly for business . He couldn’t help but brag about how much money he had , his boat , his huge home on the water with a hot tub etc . I think I must’ve been really bored since I agreed to meet him. He asked me to meet at the hotel he was staying at. As I always do, I make a point to look my best even though I was not so into this date because “ you never know “ . I arrive at his hotel. The pic he had on Jdate was at least ten years old. He looked like he walked off the set of Saturday Night Fever, collar up and all. He started walking to a destination unknown because clearly there was no destination. When I realized the guy who bragged about how rich he was had no intention of even buying me a cup of coffee, I decided to lead him towards the direction of my apartment. I had planned to get rid of him way before we were anywhere near my place . Then he stopped and said let’s just sit on this stoop for a bit. He asked me to put my bag in my other hand so he could hold my hand. True freaking story . He proceeds to tell me that many times he’s bought women dinner or drinks and then at the end of the night they won’t even make out with him. My response was, “Oh,maybe you should try a hooker because then the end result is guaranteed. Finally, as if from G-d, it began to drizzle which was my cue to exit. As we said our goodbyes or I should say good riddance, he asked if I would like to come stay at his house in Connecticut next weekend. He has a really nice Jacuzzi. I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but I declined his offer. I was a bit confused wondering if we were on the same date.

You would think I’d be done after THAT experience, but since I’m a glutton for punishment I kept trying. The next winner was a guy from Maryland . Another dude that travels frequently to NYC for business . There seemed to be a lot of those. I decided to have him meet at the bar in the W Hotel, since it was close to home. As I sat waiting a man approached me. “Estelle?”. I look up and I have no clue who this person was . “ Hi I’m Marc” . It took a minute for me to find my speech . When I did my response was “ Hi Marc , and may I ask who the guy is in your pictures?”. “Oh that’s my brother, we used to look a lot alike” . I said , really? Because I don’t see the slightest resemblance now . Needless to say I was aggravated so I asked him to get me a drink. Luckily the date was cut short since he had to catch a train. Another one who clearly could not read the “ not interested “ signal because he asked if he could take me out for dinner the following week. Is it just me or is drastically misrepresenting yourself , not exactly the best way to start when trying to meet someone.

After literally hundreds of attempts over a course of a few years , I decided I will no longer pay for these dating website memberships.

The problem with not paying for dating websites is that what they give you for free is so limited, you have a better shot of winning lotto than actually meeting someone. My all time fav was E Harmony. Filling out those endless questionnaires are anything but harmonious. PURE torture . I wasted valuable time in my life only to learn I couldn’t even see a picture or profile of the person I matched with . Just thinking about it brings out my anger issues. And the old dude on the commercial, I don’t know why but I have this intense urge to punch him in the face.

And then came the age of swiping . I will admit that it’s less time consuming than the traditional websites. Someone finally figured out that no one reads the profiles . It’s all about the pictures. What I like best is that you do not receive endless emails from those you have zero interest in. What I hate most , is that the conversion rate on these apps is extremely low and no I am not attempting to convert anyone to Judaism. By conversion rate , I mean the matches that progress to a conversation and ultimately a date.

Nowadays I mostly swipe out of boredom, or if I need some material for my blog. So let’s explore the basic swiping/dating apps . I’m going to start at the worst to best which, make no mistake, is not even almost great .

1. Tinder

Tinder is an offshoot of Grindr which was the original swiping app, but for Gay men mostly. The name says it all. You’re up for some random sex , you can do easily swipe your way to get laid to the closest willing participant. As much as I tried to kid myself, Tinder is no different. While Tinder welcomes all sexual orientations, It is basically the heterosexual version of Grindr. I figured that if I specifically put down “ not looking for a hookup” , I might find a like minded man that I could date . Much to my dismay, the “dick pics” came at me fast and furious . Had I saved them I could have created an amazing collage and submitted it to Art Basel. I could have made thousands of dollars! As the saying goes , hindsight is 20/20. As I said earlier, people do not read profiles. Not to say that I never met ANYONE not looking for sex. I had a handful of decent dates from Tinder but they were few and far between.

2. J-swipe

J-swipe or Jew Swipe is your basic swiping app if you are looking to meet a member of the tribe. I’m pretty sure it’s affiliated with Jdate. Better than Tinder as the swipers are less sexually driven, but still the conversion rate is low . BUT as my mom always said ... it only takes one!

3. Bumble

Definitely the most civilized of swiping apps and I have probably had the most success in this app. Why? Because this app requires the woman to make the first move and woman are generally less flaky and more than interested in actually meeting someone . Women are not just trying to feed their egos but swiping right to every man just to see how many women picked them. C'mon guys , you know it’s true. A guy friend actually admitted his friends joke around about this. I told him if this is the best source of entertainment that you and your friends have, I’m truly sorry for you . He didn’t appreciate my candor but guess what ? #idgaf!

PS, we are still friends . I think he likes when I call him out .


Honorable mentions :

OK Cupid and POF

Both started out as dating websites and morphed into swiping apps. POF, which stands for Plenty of Fish, really should stand for Plenty of Freaks. I block people from that app on a daily . I’m neutral about OK CUPID, since I really don’t give it enough play to make a determination.

I think I should also mention the trolling that goes on via messenger on Facebook and Instagram . When did these become dating apps? Just because we have a mutual friend, does not mean we should date. Here’s a novel idea. How about contacting that mutual friend asking for an intro. Not nearly as creepy IMHO.

So what exactly is the takeaway from the “ Dating App Chronicles? Get off your asses , get into the real world and meet real people ! Grab a seat at a bar in a trendy restaurant, or a coffee house. Order a drink and/or food and put your phone away. The odds of you meeting someone that may be suitable are far greater than meeting some oddball on a dating app. Don’t even get me started on the scams that go on. Guys trying to find sugar mommas, married men, cheating men etc.. Don’t get me wrong , women are guilty of this as well but I’ve never heard of a woman claiming to be widowed and in the military who just needs some ITUNES Gift cards so she can afford a plane ticket to meet you . I kind of combined several scams in one sentence but you get the picture. Just today a friends told me her friend was out with a dating app dude who when the bill came, he realized he forgot his wallet. Imagine that ! Poor guy must have felt naked without his wallet . Ladies, here’s a newsflash for you . Men never “ forget” their wallets. Take it from my experience, If they say they don’t have their wallets , they simply DO NOT WANT TO PAY, and want you to foot the bill . Yes it’s really that simple . Women are complicated. Men are simple and will never deny that fact .You’re welcome

And there you have it!

i was thinking it would be fun if my readers shared some of their stories . You may share with your name or anonymously . I will add the stories to this blog post. I’m sure you all have some doozies!!!

#sharingiscaring

#thedatingappchronicles

Below are some interesting messages I have received throughout the years. Warning!! Some are "R" Rated so they are not for the faint of heart. If you are a bit of a prude you may want to skip over this part. Bear in mind, I AM NOT the author of these messages. I am merely sharing actual messages!













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